My next steps

I am thinking of what do when the twins arrive...should I continue working or take time off and take care of my children on my own. A friend of mine forwarded me this article from the Oprah show....it gives you both sides of the story, but I still haven't made up my mind on what I actually want to do. I will make my final decision when the babies come.

Excerpt from Oprah’s show on “My Baby or My Job”

Stay-at-home moms and working mothers may disagree on many issues, but psychologist Dr. Robin Smith, an Oprah & Friends host, says it doesn't have to be that way. The bottom line is that all mothers want the same things for their families."America is an either/or country," she says. "We're a black or white, pro-life or pro-choice, Democrat or Republican. There's all this splitting that we do, and we lose the wisdom of both worlds. We lose the wisdom of being able to be women at our best—blessing the journey of someone who has found their way and not trying to make it your way."Dr. Robin says women can't have it all. In fact, no one can. "That's an illusion that any of us can have it all," she says. "The goal isn't to have it all…it's to be attuned with yourself and with your children. Attuned means 'I'm connected.'"If a stay-at-home mother becomes disconnected or exhausted, it's as if she isn't there at all, Dr. Robin says. The same goes for working moms. If a businesswoman is preoccupied with work and checking her Blackberry when she should be cheering on her child at a soccer game, then she might as well have stayed at the office.Dr. Robin says that if she had attended the mothers' roundtable discussion, she would have asked the women to argue the opposite position—working moms explain why it's important to stay home and stay-at-home moms argue why it's better to work outside the home. "We need to be able to drop our egos, and I mean, the way in which you see the world," she says. "[This] begins to expand our hearts, our minds, our spirits, and it takes the judgment away."

Both stay-at-home moms and working moms deal with the judgment of others and feelings of guilt. Dr. Robin says that before you let guilt bring you down, take a step back and see how your family feels."Guilt and having remorse, regret, is really in our lives to teach us not to torture us," she says. "You want to learn, 'What did I need to do that I didn't do? How did I neglect my needs or neglect my child?' … You can experience deprivation as a mother and thinking, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm ruining my child.' When your child, if you are attuned and connected to them, feels full and empowered."Oprah agrees that women shouldn't feel guilty for making decisions that are right for their family—and that society's idea of being the perfect parent and "having it all" aren't realistic. "That's a part of our indoctrination of our culture that we're suppose to make the bacon, bring it home, fry it in the pan, get the kids ready and then strip for your man at the end of the day," Oprah says. "I say you can have it all. You just can't have it all at the same time."

Pressure & lack of love

My gynae has recommended that I take lighter duties at work effective immediately. My blood pressure is high and he does not want me to stress myself out as with pressure like that, I am susceptible to preterm labor.
I still don’t feel any attachment for my twins. I still keep asking myself how I can bring myself to love these babies when I love Mick so much. I just feel guilty. Last night, I slept on the spare bed in the study room as I had bad cough and didn’t want to pass my germs to Mick. In the morning when he woke up, he didn’t say a word, just walked into the study room, carried my blanket and pillow back to my room. Then he said, “I will take care of you, don’t sleep on another bed”. Awwww…I was so touched, and felt even guiltier that in about 10 weeks, I will be dividing my attention to 3 kids.
Mick has always been the center of attention as he is the only grandchild on both sides of the family. Now, with the twins on the way, I am very sure he will be feeling left out. Firstly, the twins will be getting a lot of attention for just being twins, second, he will not be the only grandchild anymore.

Singleton vs Twin Pregnancy

How is twin pregnancy different from singleton pregnancy? That’s what a lot of people ask me when I tell them that I am carrying twins.

To begin with, I didn’t have a good singleton pregnancy. I was suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) with my singleton pregnancy. When people say that twin pregnancy is much worse than singleton pregnancy, I actually would think otherwise in my case since I didn’t quite experience a normal singleton pregnancy.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum occurs in 0.5 – 2% of pregnancies. The occurrence is very low and the root cause of it still cannot be determined. It effects you mentally and physically. The peak incidence is at 8-12 weeks of pregnancy, I had severe nausea that I couldn’t keep anything down. I vomited at least 40 times a day until I was so dehydrated that the skin on my tongue started to peel off. I was hospitalized at 8 weeks and was on medical leave for almost a month. I vomited till my 8th month. Not only I was sensitive to smells, I was also very sensitive to certain colors and sounds. But all that pain was forgotten when I saw my beautiful Mick.

Now, with the twin pregnancy, I do get nausea, but not as severe as my first pregnancy, so I am able to deal with it. Other than that, I also have severe stomach cramps, swelling of the feet, fatigue, insomnia which is also bearable at this point. So, all in all, my twin pregnancy is not that bad, nothing much for me to complain about after going through the whole HG episode.

Planning, Scheduling and Multi-tasking

When I first found out that I was carrying twins, I was in a state of shock. Lucky for me, on that day itself, there was an article in the newspaper on how to deal with twins. Basically, the article said that we needed to plan, schedule and multitask to the minute detail.
Both my husband and I are struggling to manage our son, Mick. That’s 2 pairs of hands. So, in order to manage our coming twins, we would need 4 pairs of hands. That’s why I am imagining myself as mama octopus now. After contemplating for a few weeks, we have also decided to hire a live-in maid, who will be here in August.

I also took out my previous newborn baby checklist to cross-out the things that we don’t need and added things to the list based own my experience with Mick.

So, here’s my second & third baby checklist –
1) breast pump – I need to get a new one since my first pump(Medela) stopped functioning after 9 months. Tried to get it repaired but agent recommended to get a new one instead. This time I am going for Spectra 2.
2) baby bottles and teats – I have to invest in these this time round since I would need help with the feeding
3) changing table – probably get one from Ikea. I used to put my baby on my bed and change him, but ended up with a bad backache last time. So, this time, a changing table is a must.
4) sterilizer – I am planning to get a new one. Gave my old one away.
5) diapers – for economic reasons, I am going to convert to cloth diapers
6) present for Mick – we are planning to get a nice big present for Mick to celebrate the arrival of his new siblings. There will be some amount of sibling rivalry and jealously, so giving a present to Mick will reduce the tension.
7) baby clothes – we decided to buy some new clothes for the babies, since we know that they will be small. We bought larger size clothes for Mick(he was born at 3.36kg). Our doctor has already told us that the twins will not be more than 3kg each. So, we’re going to get some preemie sizes for the babies.