The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday''First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe' . They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

My next steps

I am thinking of what do when the twins arrive...should I continue working or take time off and take care of my children on my own. A friend of mine forwarded me this article from the Oprah show....it gives you both sides of the story, but I still haven't made up my mind on what I actually want to do. I will make my final decision when the babies come.

Excerpt from Oprah’s show on “My Baby or My Job”

Stay-at-home moms and working mothers may disagree on many issues, but psychologist Dr. Robin Smith, an Oprah & Friends host, says it doesn't have to be that way. The bottom line is that all mothers want the same things for their families."America is an either/or country," she says. "We're a black or white, pro-life or pro-choice, Democrat or Republican. There's all this splitting that we do, and we lose the wisdom of both worlds. We lose the wisdom of being able to be women at our best—blessing the journey of someone who has found their way and not trying to make it your way."Dr. Robin says women can't have it all. In fact, no one can. "That's an illusion that any of us can have it all," she says. "The goal isn't to have it all…it's to be attuned with yourself and with your children. Attuned means 'I'm connected.'"If a stay-at-home mother becomes disconnected or exhausted, it's as if she isn't there at all, Dr. Robin says. The same goes for working moms. If a businesswoman is preoccupied with work and checking her Blackberry when she should be cheering on her child at a soccer game, then she might as well have stayed at the office.Dr. Robin says that if she had attended the mothers' roundtable discussion, she would have asked the women to argue the opposite position—working moms explain why it's important to stay home and stay-at-home moms argue why it's better to work outside the home. "We need to be able to drop our egos, and I mean, the way in which you see the world," she says. "[This] begins to expand our hearts, our minds, our spirits, and it takes the judgment away."

Both stay-at-home moms and working moms deal with the judgment of others and feelings of guilt. Dr. Robin says that before you let guilt bring you down, take a step back and see how your family feels."Guilt and having remorse, regret, is really in our lives to teach us not to torture us," she says. "You want to learn, 'What did I need to do that I didn't do? How did I neglect my needs or neglect my child?' … You can experience deprivation as a mother and thinking, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm ruining my child.' When your child, if you are attuned and connected to them, feels full and empowered."Oprah agrees that women shouldn't feel guilty for making decisions that are right for their family—and that society's idea of being the perfect parent and "having it all" aren't realistic. "That's a part of our indoctrination of our culture that we're suppose to make the bacon, bring it home, fry it in the pan, get the kids ready and then strip for your man at the end of the day," Oprah says. "I say you can have it all. You just can't have it all at the same time."

Pressure & lack of love

My gynae has recommended that I take lighter duties at work effective immediately. My blood pressure is high and he does not want me to stress myself out as with pressure like that, I am susceptible to preterm labor.
I still don’t feel any attachment for my twins. I still keep asking myself how I can bring myself to love these babies when I love Mick so much. I just feel guilty. Last night, I slept on the spare bed in the study room as I had bad cough and didn’t want to pass my germs to Mick. In the morning when he woke up, he didn’t say a word, just walked into the study room, carried my blanket and pillow back to my room. Then he said, “I will take care of you, don’t sleep on another bed”. Awwww…I was so touched, and felt even guiltier that in about 10 weeks, I will be dividing my attention to 3 kids.
Mick has always been the center of attention as he is the only grandchild on both sides of the family. Now, with the twins on the way, I am very sure he will be feeling left out. Firstly, the twins will be getting a lot of attention for just being twins, second, he will not be the only grandchild anymore.

Vapor Balm

While in US, I noticed that they actually sell a different version of Vicks for infants than what we have in Malaysia, called the Baby Rub. I was a little puzzled as why there was a difference, so I did a Google search. The search articles that popped up, stated an ingredient called Camphor that is found in the normal vapor rubs may be toxic to babies as some babies can be allergic to camphor.
I wanted to get the Baby Rub but could not find it anywhere in Malaysia. I went to the pharmacy and asked for a vapor rub without camphor and was recommended the 21st Century Children's Vapor Balm. This balm has a nice lingering strawberry fragrance and does not contain camphor. Retails at RM6.95, can be found in all major pharmacies in Malaysia.

New Mummy Checklist

Photo credit

Often times when we shop for our newborn, we forget that we need to get stuff for ourselves too. I have compiled a list of what a new mummy would need for the baby’s arrival –
Breastpump
Breastmilk Storage bottles/bags
Breastpads
Nursing Bras
Maternity pads
Disposable Undies(more hygienic)

Baby Cotton Buds/Swabs

Experts recommend that we should never use cotton buds(Q-tips) to clean baby’s ears. Earwax is nature’s way of protecting baby’s ear canal and using a cotton bud may push the wax further or damage the ear canal if not careful.
I found these really nice and safe bulb shaped cotton swabs at Anakku. This swab can be used to clean babies and young children’s ears and nose. Perfect for newborns, it can be used to remove visible ear wax without going too far into the ear canal. Great for toddlers too, as it teaches them how to clean their own ears.