My next steps

I am thinking of what do when the twins arrive...should I continue working or take time off and take care of my children on my own. A friend of mine forwarded me this article from the Oprah show....it gives you both sides of the story, but I still haven't made up my mind on what I actually want to do. I will make my final decision when the babies come.

Excerpt from Oprah’s show on “My Baby or My Job”

Stay-at-home moms and working mothers may disagree on many issues, but psychologist Dr. Robin Smith, an Oprah & Friends host, says it doesn't have to be that way. The bottom line is that all mothers want the same things for their families."America is an either/or country," she says. "We're a black or white, pro-life or pro-choice, Democrat or Republican. There's all this splitting that we do, and we lose the wisdom of both worlds. We lose the wisdom of being able to be women at our best—blessing the journey of someone who has found their way and not trying to make it your way."Dr. Robin says women can't have it all. In fact, no one can. "That's an illusion that any of us can have it all," she says. "The goal isn't to have it all…it's to be attuned with yourself and with your children. Attuned means 'I'm connected.'"If a stay-at-home mother becomes disconnected or exhausted, it's as if she isn't there at all, Dr. Robin says. The same goes for working moms. If a businesswoman is preoccupied with work and checking her Blackberry when she should be cheering on her child at a soccer game, then she might as well have stayed at the office.Dr. Robin says that if she had attended the mothers' roundtable discussion, she would have asked the women to argue the opposite position—working moms explain why it's important to stay home and stay-at-home moms argue why it's better to work outside the home. "We need to be able to drop our egos, and I mean, the way in which you see the world," she says. "[This] begins to expand our hearts, our minds, our spirits, and it takes the judgment away."

Both stay-at-home moms and working moms deal with the judgment of others and feelings of guilt. Dr. Robin says that before you let guilt bring you down, take a step back and see how your family feels."Guilt and having remorse, regret, is really in our lives to teach us not to torture us," she says. "You want to learn, 'What did I need to do that I didn't do? How did I neglect my needs or neglect my child?' … You can experience deprivation as a mother and thinking, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm ruining my child.' When your child, if you are attuned and connected to them, feels full and empowered."Oprah agrees that women shouldn't feel guilty for making decisions that are right for their family—and that society's idea of being the perfect parent and "having it all" aren't realistic. "That's a part of our indoctrination of our culture that we're suppose to make the bacon, bring it home, fry it in the pan, get the kids ready and then strip for your man at the end of the day," Oprah says. "I say you can have it all. You just can't have it all at the same time."